He disappears for days, then blows up your phone. What should you text back?!
You and this guy have been texting for a month. You are completely smitten, and find yourself daydreaming about him instead of working.
When his messages pop up on your phone, you get a huge smile on your face, dying to see what he has to say.
Maybe you’ve gone on a couple fun dates, but nothing too serious has been discussed between the two of you.
He’s very funny, and enjoys joking with you until your stomach aches from laughter, and you both also have a love for Mexican food on the weekends.
By Thursday, your spicy cravings are really starting to kick-in. Did someone say mango margaritas? So you text him to see what he’s up to.
But this Friday he doesn’t make plans with you to hit up your favorite taco joint.
You wonder about what he’s up to and why he isn’t making plans … but you keep it chill and don’t say anything.
After all you have your own life! Right?!
Finally, he mentions something about hanging with his boys and he would try to meet up over the weekend, but doesn’t confirm any plans.
Monday morning rolls around and you still haven’t heard from him.
Then at ten in the morning, you receive a text message saying, ”Morning. How was your weekend?”
You want to respond, but at the same time you’re annoyed and completely flustered because he was MIA all weekend.
So you debate, do you bring up that he ignored you all weekend? Or do you play it cool like you don’t care?
This happens to our friends and clients ALL the time, so we’ve come up with a set of five CRUCIAL rules to help you play it cool, but also find out what’s up. Here’s how to text a guy when you need him to take you seriously.
1. Make him wait a bit!
You probably want to respond to his message right away, but WAIT!
You haven’t heard from him all weekend, so he doesn’t deserve your immediate attention. Stop and think about what you want to really say versus what you should say.
Impulsive messaging tends to come out like fast food, as opposed to replying with a well marinated, savory thought that will keep him coming back for more.
It’s your job to set the tone of the relationship if you want to keep the connection sizzling. Establishing boundaries in the beginning stages creates a recipe for him to follow for future interactions.
Remember — you show others how you want and deserve to be treated by how you communicate.
When you haven’t heard from him all weekend, wait a good amount of time before you respond to his Monday morning text.
A sufficient time would be 1-3 hours, because you need to show him you have your own life too. Responding to him when you are free from your work duties or hobbies shows you aren’t available at his beckon call.
You’re not his ego-feeder.
2. Keep calm and cool.
Don’t respond to a text message when you are angry, upset or completely distraught over his behavior.
Aggressive, fiery text messages often lead to a zero response rate.
They are overwhelming for men to read, and may lead to him grabbing the fire extinguisher. This is can damage the connection instantly, cutting off all communication.
You will want to make sure you are calm and cool like a mango margarita before responding.
It’s not that you can’t be yourself, but you don’t want to explode without knowing how come he was MIA all weekend! It’s good to ask indirect questions and not assume his whereabouts, such as “Did you do anything fun this weekend?”.
If you find yourself wanting to unleash, establish a calming plan of action. Going to the gym, getting a massage or listening to good tunes are great options for releasing tension.
This is when self-care is your key ingredient to keeping the connection burning.
To be happy with dating, you first must be happy with yourself.
3. Own who you are.
Don’t begin with asking questions or making statements that come off needy or lack confidence.
Do NOT text:
“Where were you?”
“How come you didn’t text me all weekend?”
“So, sad we missed our burrito night!”
“I miss your face!”
“Did you take another girl to our restaurant?”
This is the opposite of confidence. And I’m sure this the opposite response you were hoping for.
Instead, reply confidently to his Monday morning text message like,
“Weekend was great! Yours?”
You want to respond to his message with the same length of message he sends you. Nothing too short or nothing too long.
Be concise and nice, and keep it at 10 words or less.
Sending a positive reply shows you have your own thing going on and are optimistic about life. Thus, showing his lack of communication didn’t impact your weekend plans or mood.
You’ve got a life, girl!
Since you did not hear from him all weekend, you don’t need to give him all the details about your weekend, either.
He missed out by not messaging you, so you don’t owe him play by play unless he inquires more.
Leaving a little mystery makes him want you, as a man likes to be intrigued.
4. Don’t play his game.
You don’t want to ignore him till the next day.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. This creates an impasse in your connection, creating friction as opposed to drawing him in. Your goal is to reconnect on a positive note to great a good vibe between the two of you.
Save face, and respond with grace.
Sending one word replies, like “Okay,” tend to come off as being passive-aggressive, this doesn’t give room for a positive interaction to flourish.
It shows you are actually mad or feeling rejected, even though you don’t want him to know.
Your choice of words impact the outcome of what comes next.
5. Skip making plans.
If he’s not asking to make plans, you will want to pull back.
A man needs to feel space in order for him to ask for new plans. If you put pressure on him, he may push back as he will feel like you’re closing in on his manhood.
It may be a week or two before he asks you for another burrito date. So keep calm and carry on.
When it comes to dating, it’s important to keep your options open until you have a commitment from a man; don’t wait around until he asks for another date.
At the end of the day, don’t place your happiness in the hands of technology. Live fully for you!
Jillian and Jan Yuhas are Dating and Relationship Lifestylists who empower men and women to connect by mastering their confidence and communication skills to attract everlasting love. You can follow their dating dossier, or contact them at Entwined Lifestyle to learn more about their coaching programs.