5 documents you THINK he should have…
As you begin searching for a foolproof relationship, you might begin by qualifying the kind of partner you would like to marry and what they have to offer.
In fact, you probably have the ultimate checklist for what you want in a man.
It may include an Ivy League college degree with post-nominal letters, similar religious affiliation and upbringing, a powerful bank account, social status, and eventually a marriage license.
While certified documents may look pretty on paper (and exquisitely framed on your office wall), do they bring love to a relationship?
A birth certificate is the one and the only document you’ll need to be love-struck, but when it comes to choosing a life partner, will your relationship based on paper documents withstand the test of time?
Or will your relationship end up shredded them like yesterday’s news? If your relationship is founded on document-based dealbreakers, sustaining an unwavering love will most likely fall short.
Here are 5 documents that will not give you the relationship you desire for eternity:
1. A college degree
Education has always been a priority to you. Maybe you were raised by a family of highly educated professionals whose Ivy League status defines their identity. Without a post-nominal suffix, the random combination of letters people use to refer to you is nothing more than a name.
Since you were five, you were told you would attend the same school as your parents. And not only were you going to attend, but that’s where you would meet your future spouse. You’d be bound by your alma mater.
With a college degree on the forefront of your relationship requirements, will it define your level of wisdom about relationships or the amount of love you are capable of giving? Perhaps not.
If education is the ultimate factor in sustaining your relationship, you’ll want to make sure there is more to offer to the dynamic. Reminiscing about your college days and reciting textbook lingo day in and day out will lose its intrigue. So while being a sapiosexual may be a huge turn on, you’ll want to consider if those post-nominal letters are going to bring happiness, understanding, laughter, passion, and intimacy to your relationship status. There’s no degree or certificate when it comes to true love.
2. A religious record
During your child-rearing years, your caregivers taught you to believe in and follow a certain religious affiliation. Being passed down generation after generation, you were enlightened with traditions and rituals that bonded you to your ideology. And going outside those beliefs was unheard of, or perhaps even forbidden.
While having common beliefs is important to the infrastructure of a relationship, they alone will not create the happiness or love between one another. Love is blind to creed, race, gender, socioeconomic status, lineage et al. We are one love.
Nevertheless, the number one important factor to support a happy marriage, interfaith or same faith, is common interests. This outweighs any other factor for developing and sustaining a genuine bond. Without being able to enjoy each other’s company through similar interests, the relationship will most likely fizzle to non-existent.
3. A big bank account
Having a deep pocket full of change can definitely make life easier. It presents more opportunities and allows you to experience things you might not have gotten to experience if otherwise. Money makes the world go around, but money can’t buy love — or happiness, for that matter.
Love doesn’t cost a thing!
True relationships form from a warm-hearted unity where you and your partner promise to love each other for richer or for poorer. So if you don’t find this to be true, then are you really in love? You have to treasure your partner for who they are with or without capital. Because when push comes to shove, money can’t serve as the glue that holds your union together.
On the contrary, there is one bank account you’ll need when it comes to your relationship — an emotional bank account.
Stephen Covey of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People says there are six ways to bank deposits into your relationships based on trust, not money:
- Understanding the individual — Actively listen to empathize, and understand what your partner is saying and how they feel. Be open to their perspective and working with them, not against them.
- Keeping commitments — Say what you mean and mean what you say. This shows you value your partner’s time and honor your relationship.
- Clarifying expectations — Relationships require open communication to form a healthy alignment between you and your partner. When you communicate your needs by asking for what you want, a deeper trust can be established in high regard.
- Attending to the little things — Showing acts of kindness enables your partner to feel mutual respect between the two of you.
- Showing personal integrity — When we act upon good morals and values in life, our character is more likely to be trusted. Integrity is the foundation upon which a trusting relationship is built.
- Apologizing sincerely when we make a withdrawal- Everyone makes mistakes, it’s part of life. Learning from your mistakes as they are life lessons helps promote self-growth and advancement. Therefore, apologizing for your error allows you to rebuild trust with your partner.
When you make lots of deposits, your communication becomes quite effortless. This truly allows you to be yourself as your partner feels secure and safe in the relationship. And when there is a high level of trust, small hiccups are less likely to cause chaos between you and your partner. You’ll be able to easily solve the conflict and move forward.
4. A high-status name
Social status may be a thing you desire to live a privileged lifestyle, but you will not find it to be all it’s necessarily cracked up to be. There’s no security to protect your relationship, as it’s something you have to be willing to put effort into — with or without the social bowties. You may be jumping from city to city and flying high, yet it can’t get the job done when it comes to building stability in a relationship.
Living a luxurious life brings valuable benefits of social approval, however, when it comes to love, you have to seek approval within yourself first.
Being able to fully accept yourself — imperfections and all, you will naturally attract a partner of similar worth. Regardless what name you carry around on your identification card, you have the freedom to be who you want to be by owning who you are.
When choosing a partner for romantic love, you are more likely to make sacrifices of economic status for fulfillment and companionship. Not saying you can not have a fulfilling relationship within higher social status, but you are likely to fall in love for the right reasons when you focus on what matters.
Your status will not solidify a healthy relationship for eternity.
5. A marriage license
Think getting hitched will give you the ultimate commitment of respect, honesty, trust, friendship, and love? Please know that it’s quite unlikely. A marriage license won’t be a miracle remedy for a fickle relationship. You will want to develop a deeper connection between you and your partner prior to tying the knot.
A relationship can’t survive the rocky waters unless you get to the root of your issues to maintain a healthy, loving and harmonious relationship. Being able to identify and work through your challenges will allow you to have growth for an amazing connection.
There is no band-aid strong enough to make a relationship work if both partners are not invested prior to marriage.
Marriage can be a beautiful life goal when love and friendship are at the heart of the union. Signifying your vows collectively embraces each of your idiosyncrasies as a whole, yet gives new purpose to the deep love you share. While a marriage license will not protect you from disheartening moments, yet it conveys, “We made this commitment together for better or for worse.”
If you want a relationship that is authentic and will stand the test of time, then you’ll want to follow your heartstrings when choosing a partner. Selecting someone that makes sense on paper is bound to crumble into confetti.
Jan and Jillian Yuhas are Relationship and Lifestyle Coaches who help singles captivate a partner to find true love. If you’re ready to have the relationship of your dreams, contact Entwined Lifestyle for a complimentary call.