Intimate relationships can be challenging some days, but when it comes to feeling connected to your partner it requires more effort to maintain the connection than just saying, “I love you.” A relationship is the equation of two independent individuals who emotionally support one another interdependently. And when the emotional connection starts to deteriorate, it can drive a wedge between you and your partner.
Relationships bring deeper meaning and purpose to one’s lifestyle, which is why nurturing them on a daily basis is essential to thriving together. But when life takes over, the stress begins to invade your personal space affecting your decision-making process. The consistent support you once gave your partner begins to decline, creating cracks in the foundation of your union.
When this happens, your partner begins to feel a sense of abandonment, neglect and sometimes a strong sensation of loss. They feel like they have lost their best friend, their confidant, their lover, their number one supporter, and the love they crave with you. Even though you are physically present, it’s the emotional pain that weighs the heaviest on their heart.
The disconnect leads to one or both partners resenting each other due to the loneliness and numbness. Loneliness often begins when the communication channels are strained or nonexistent. Couples who become angry with each other tend to use criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling in their communication style because they are operating from a place of fear, instead of love. These four factors are known as the four horsemen.
How can you repair your relationship and reconnect with your partner?
Here Are 5 Ways To Meet Your Partner’s Needs:
1.Identify Stressors In Your Life Affecting Your Relationship
The relationship is the first thing that takes the heat when external sources or personal struggles are holding you back from giving your partner the love they deserve. Being able to identify where your current stressors exist will help you begin working through those challenges so you can avoid displacing them onto your relationship.
Start thinking about what is weighing on your mind heavily right now. What’s the first thing you would like to eliminate from your lifestyle? And if it’s something you can’t eliminate, how can you resolve the discord you are personally feeling with the task or stressor? What do you need to openly communicate to realign the relationship?
Identifying your stressors is the first step to repairing what’s causing you to push your partner away. Here are a few possibilities, but not limited to:
- Having a highly demanding career
- Experiencing the demands of parenting
- Unable to communicate with full transparency
- Lacking the ability to show affection and admiration due to an unsettling event
- Unresolved childhood trauma
- Preoccupied with oneself
- Mental health or physical health illness
- Lack of a consistent date night every week
- Lack of common interests or shared hobbies
Once you identify your stressor(s), make a list of them on paper. Next, write down three action steps you can take to overcome each stressor and alleviate the stress from your current limitations. This may feel a little overwhelming at first; however, consider hiring an accountability partner, such as a relationship coach, that can you help navigate each actionable step with clarity and certainty.
2.Seek Counsel To Work Through Personal Stressor
After you identify your life stressors, you’ll want to begin working through them so you don’t feel stuck. This will help you resolve the issue much quicker than just shoving it under the rug for a few more months. Procrastination and perfection can keep your wheels spinning for years. The healthiest way to overcome a personal challenge is to go through it with an accountability partner.
When it comes to crushing your life stressors, it can be critical to seek counsel for support, encouragement, and an optimistic perspective. A coach will be able to give you an unbiased solution based on your relationship values and their expertise while collaboratively working together to resolve the conflict that’s affecting you and your relationship.
Your coach will give you the tools to push forward and operate from a place of abundance. When you come from a state of abundance, you are able to look fear in the face and shut it down. This enables you to take action without hesitation and begin getting the relationship results you want. Having an objective point of view can give you the confidence to reach your relationship goals without making your relationship a community project.
Having a private one on one conversation with a coach can provide unconditional support and solutions and give you peace of mind.
3.Use Healthy Communication Skills With Your Partner
Effectively communicating is the easiest and healthiest platform to work through your differences that you and your partner are experiencing. It’s not what you say, but how you say that impacts the outcome of your relationship. So when it comes to expressing your most inner feelings and thoughts, you will want to speak from the heart, not your ego. This will allow you to create an alignment with your partner, helping you both get on the same page.
The majority of the time, an intimate relationship will falter because the communication channels have been shut down. When this happens, it can be challenging to speak up and communicate with your partner how you are dissatisfied with your current status. When stonewalling is present, it tends to increase the emotional discord causing resentment, anger, hurt and emotional turmoil. This can cause either partner to place blame on their partner, without either partner taking responsibility independently for the greater whole of the relationship.
If you find yourself challenged to speak up, show your partner that you want to communicate through a written letter, email, or personal note asking to talk. You can also find your inner voice and express your needs in our Powerless To Boundary Badass Program.
4.Understand How Your Partner Receives Love
When you have been disconnected from your partner for a period of time, it can be confusing on how to show your partner affection, admiration, appreciation, and acceptance again. As each partner evolves throughout their relationship, it takes consistent understanding, nurturing, and new ways of endearment for the couple to evolve together. At some point, you and your partner kept growing independently of each other without growing the relationship as a whole.
You will need to learn how to love your partner based on who they are today by understanding what makes them feel loved by you. And you do this by asking open-ended questions to explore their relationship values. By identifying their relationship values, you will uncover their emotional wants and desires they need to be fulfilled with you. It’s like going on a first date, asking questions to learn what makes your partner happy to continue making the connection grow.
Despite any emotional resentment you feel, it’s crucial to start making the relationship a priority and giving your partner the love you want to receive. When you make the relationship a priority, you and your partner will begin finding forgiveness and desire to work through the challenges together. And if you experience a gridlock, consider working with a relationship coach to help you and your partner overcome obstacles.
5.Find A Shared Interest/Date Night
Reintroducing date night can be terrifying at first, but this is one way to rebuild the intimate connection you once shared. You can start by asking your partner for their time by grabbing a bite to eat and talking about your day, but leaving all stressors off the table. And if dinner isn’t your thing, think of date night activities that involve having fun with each other or something you used to do as a couple.
We recommend avoiding sporting activities as being competitive with each other is the opposite of rekindling the connection. This can drive a bigger wedge and more hurt feelings. And going to the movies requires little talking to learn about each other, therefore staying silent doesn’t allow for much progress.
And if date night seems too intimate at the moment, consider finding a shared hobby or interest you both enjoy doing together. You can try cooking at home, taking a vacation, going dancing, hiking, camping, gardening, horseback riding, playing a musical instrument together, learning a new language together, ice skating, watching the sunset, or going to a museum.
Relationships will always have their ups and downs. Taking time to fully understand your partner and grow with them is what will sustain a relationship for a lifetime. To learn more about our couples coaching, message us here.