Feeling confused about what will happen next?
When it comes to your relationship, it can be challenging knowing what to choose and what not to choose. These simple choices could actually make or break your chances of long-term relationship success.
Knowing what’s a healthy decision versus a default reaction can really leave you feeling complex. Healthy decisions support your love goals and honor the relationship as a whole which brings value to your lifestyle. Whereas, default reactions from past relationship experience can keep you back peddling into old habits that don’t serve the relationship, but actually sabotage chances at what you have your heart set on.
How do you know what choices will get you the relationship results you want with your partner?
Here are 6 Choices You Need To Make For A Healthy Relationship:
1.Choose Values, Not Emotion
Your partner is more likely to listen to your concerns and requests when you operate from your values, not emotions. It is much easier for your partner to actively participate in the conversation when they are able to process what you are saying without feeling threatened or emotionally evoked. This will also give them the opportunity to validate your perspective making you feel heard and understood.
By communicating with logic and love versus emotional world winds, your perspective will more likely be seen as a relationship issue not a personal attack on your partner. With emotions typically being one-sided and sometimes a distortion of your beliefs, it defeats the purpose of working better in unison for the greater whole of the relationship. And while emotions aren’t facts, they are still a valid expression in being able to overcome setbacks so each partner feels respected.
When resolving differences between you and your partner, if emotion becomes heightened it will increase the intensity of the topic leading to a bigger issue instead of finding a solution. Using your relationship values will give you the leverage of confidence when asking your partner to align with you as a team while meeting your needs. This will help your partner be more inclined to value you when using emotional state management.
2.Choose Intimacy, Not Sex
Intimacy between you and your partner will sustain the relationship for a lifetime. It’s a deep bond that keeps the connection growing over a lifetime which prevents you and your partner from feeling disconnected, even with life gets busy. It’s that emotional interaction of letting your partner get close to you, so the two you can feel like it’s “us versus the world”.
If you tend to only focus on sexual gratification, then you may be emotionally unavailable or fearful of intimacy itself. Having sex with your partner is healthy part of physical intimacy but it’s not what will keep the two of you connected throughout the years. As your relationship may experience ups and downs and face hard times, it’s the emotional intimacy that will push you to the next level and overcome adversity.
When it comes to sex, you and your partner are likely to encounter more sexual experiences with each other with there’s a romantic attachment. Your partner is likely to want to embrace you in the bedroom because they desire to share a euphoric experience with you.
Sex alone lacks the vulnerability of a healthy relationship
3.Choose Love, Not Fear
Building a relationship foundation with a partner from the ground up can create anxiousness with all the unknowns. However, if things aren’t going as envisioned in your mind, you may get caught up in the fear zone and begin to self-sabotage.
Love and fear can’t coexist under the roof in your relationship home. Fear will take you down the rabbit hole, leaving you exposed and anxious and most likely repel your partner in the opposite direction. On the contrary, operating from a place of love allows you to embrace your authentic voice and align with your relationship values, giving you the power to ask for what you need.
When living in fear you are trying to control the outcome of your relationship or your partner for that matter, which serves no purpose in a healthy relationship. Trying to live the future defeats the purpose of trying to connect with your partner today. By focusing on the now, you give space for love to breathe and grow giving you emotional security with your partner.
4.Choose Boundaries, Not Ultimatums
Boundaries are your lifeline for love! Boundaries give you the ability to live according to your standards and values by asking your partner to work with you so you don’t self-neglect or sabotage your relationship. If your relationship doesn’t have boundaries, you are bound to end up in a toxic relationship before it begins.
Boundaries are based on love and logic while applying a WE mindset that honors the relationship above all else. It enables you and your partner to respect one another without feeling threatened when either of you brings up a subject matter that needs to be addressed. Boundaries open the door for empathetic communication by helping you and your partner work collaboratively as a team.
If you are setting ultimatums, then you have lost respect for your partner and your relationship. Ultimatums are threats for control and all about a ME mindset. They come from a place of fear which is the opposite of love. Generally, they do not go over well and will most likely backfire, as you expect your partner to do something against their will.
5.Choose Self-Worth, Not Net-worth
If you are placing your partner’s net-worth above your self-worth, then you have forgotten you are worthy of love. Money is the quickest way to destroy your romantic relationship as it’s an external resource that doesn’t tie the knot. Love is something that naturally grows when both partners are in it for the right reasons: unconditional love.
Getting caught up in a luxury lifestyle and fancy vacations can derail your relationship stability. It’s a short-term high, not worthy of long-term passion and respect.
When you know you are worthy of love, you do not accept poor treatment or ill behavior because you believe you are valuable! You feel invincible and know you can’t be bought nor will you place your worth in the hands of a partner. Your self-respect is irreplaceable because you know what you bring to the dynamic.
6.Choose Connection, Not Validation
Seeking connection is key for longevity between you and your partner. When you connect, you are choosing to operate from the heart, not your head. It means you truly have love for yourself and your partner and want to build a life together. If you are operating from your head, then you are more likely seeking validation from an external source, aka partner.
Looking for validation from a partner keeps you from growing a healthy partnership, as it’s always about you, not we. You are constantly wanting a reaction to see if they care about you instead of deepening the bond between the two of you. Validation is a short-lived ego boost and will die as quickly as you receive it. This will leave you feeling like you’re not good enough and looking for the next external like or comment.
To create a connection, it’s better to focus on shared values, interests, and hobbies where you can form an attachment that gives you a feeling of being loved, valued, respected, and honored. Connection with a partner strengthens your elasticity of closeness giving you the motivation to keep growing as a team.
When it comes to achieving relationship success, you will want to focus on the six choices mentioned so you can thrive in your relationship. Focusing on long-term choices will give you the fulfillment you want instead of short-term fixes that will only hurt your chances at a healthy partnership.