Boundaries are the ultimate skill you need to have for healthy relationships, personally and professionally. Setting boundaries will help you overcome differences quickly when they arise and ensure you are respected in all relationships.
Have you been in a relationship or had a co-worker blatantly ignore you? You feel as though you are trying to work with them and make progress, but no matter what you do it falls on deaf ears.
Your feelings of frustration begin to rise to the point you want to give up and walk away.
After all, it makes most of us happy to please others. And when you aren’t receiving the same respect in return, you can find yourself in a deep hole wondering where you went wrong.
Then starts the self-blame game.
But, what if we told you there was an easy way to get your needs met in all your relationships?
Would you be interested?
Hear us out…
You have probably heard of boundaries but might not be sure exactly what they are or how to use them. They can even be confused with ultimatums, but trust us they are far from that. Boundaries are useful tools for growing your relationships and proactively creating a positive impact for mutual respect.
When boundaries are intact, you will feel safe and secure within the relationship. It will feel like both of you are on the same page and both of you feel valued.
If boundaries are non-existent, you will feel uncomfortable being around someone who isn’t respecting your needs. It almost feels as if you are walking on eggshells to avoid tension or conflict.
If a relationship is giving you an uneasy feeling, it’s probably because you’re putting up with unwanted behavior. You likely find their antics to be hurtful and disrespectful while your needs aren’t being met.
In fact, you may be questioning your own worth and wondering why this person thinks they can treat you so poorly. You find yourself emotionally shut down because it is too hard to bear another argument that goes unresolved without getting what you want. Trust us we used to know what that felt like.
Here are 7 Steps To Setting Boundaries In Your Relationships:
1.Define Your Limits
Defining what you will accept versus what is crossing the line begins with establishing your limits. Your limitations are based on your core values and give you a place to speak from when setting boundaries.
It can be hard to identify your limits when you have been ignoring them most of your life. But now it’s time to get clear on your values, as they will give you clarity when it comes to receiving the respect you deserve.
- What do you value when it comes to your relationships?
- What will you not accept from someone?
- What are you afraid to ask someone?
- What do you need to thrive and be happy?
- What are you not willing to live without in your relationships?
You will benefit if you establish five relationship core values that you will operate from on a day to day basis. This gives you permission you to ask someone to meet your needs because you live by these values every day. And they will be the foundation for the health of your relationships.
2. Listen To Your Feelings
When experiencing emotional discomfort, you may instinctively feel the need to react by completely shutting down or, the opposite, emotionally flooding the person by saying something you’ll regret later. These kinds of reactions will prevent you from reaching a resolution.
It’s almost impossible to reach a mutual agreement when communication is obsolete or emotion is heightened, and it can lead to an even bigger issue in the end.
Instead, what if you take a step back and actively ask yourself, “How come I am feeling upset?” “What do I need in order to feel better about this situation?”
When you are able to pause and understand what it is you need, it’s much easier to sort through your thoughts and determine your route to a resolution. The more self-awareness you have the more clarity you will have on the solution.
As for some couples, they set personal space boundaries for when they need time alone. Healthy couples ask permission before using each other’s phone, spending time with family and friends, and even make time to talk about respecting each other’s physical boundaries.
As you set a boundary, this allows you to communicate from a place of respect based on your values and needs, not emotion.
3. Use Concise Communication
One of the biggest obstacles is knowing how to have your boundary heard and received well by someone. When it comes to expressing your needs, the best way is to use assertive communication. This sets you up for success as it prevents any further misunderstandings and allows a person to know exactly what needs to happen to move forward.
You can do this by using our 3 C’s for Communication:
- Calm Tone of Voice: Allows you to communicate from a place of value and logic without emotionally flooding someone
- Constructive Language: Creates a positive interaction and shows you are willing to work with them to get a positive outcome
- Concise Message: Gets to the bottom of the issue quickly by being effective, positive and valuable.
4.Know Your Worth
You may find it challenging to ask for what you need. For so long, you have chosen to ignore situations that push your boundaries. Or perhaps there’s a part of you that feels guilty for asking for what you need.
It is crucial to let go of old beliefs that no longer support your core values. Especially if they are “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t deserve it.” Today, we want you to throw out those old beliefs, knowing you deserve more.
The relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for all your relationships.
Knowing your worth is the key to being able to set healthy boundaries. It can be tough to love yourself in this ‘perfect’ society, but there are many ways to improve your self-esteem. The key to healthy self-esteem is taking care of your mental health.
For example, you could try one of these free apps to help you with that. When you manage to love yourself, you will not accept that people overstep your boundaries that easily. Besides that, you will feel much better and you will feel like you are able to achieve anything you want! It’s a win-win, right?
5. Be Consistent
When it comes to achieving any goal, you have to be consistent and practice it daily. And, that goes for setting boundaries too.
They may seem awkward or unusual when you first set them, as it’s a new skill. But the more you practice the greater progress you will make and the easier they become. The health of all your relationships will begin to transform into a respectful place, giving you inner peace at work or romantically.
When you are consistent, then people will be more likely to respect your boundaries. If you waver back and forth, it will be hard for others to take your word seriously.
6.Take Responsibility For Your Part
For relationships to work, it’s important that you make your needs a priority and show up the way you want to be received by others. When you take responsibility for what you need, others are more inclined to engage with you in a way where you energy conveys confidence and commands respect.
Also, part of your responsibility is taking care of your personal needs through daily care. Because when you take care of you, the less you depend on someone else or seek their approval. You are the one responsible for your own confidence and happiness.
7. Let Go Of The Outcome
You may not receive the answer you want right away as sometimes it takes time to rebuild the foundation of your relationships. Trust us, mature relationships are about give and take.
At the end of the day, it’s not about winning. It’s about asking for the respect you deserve and need. This is necessary in order to continue the relationship where you both benefit from it and both feel valued.
Putting it all together, setting boundaries is one of the healthiest things you can do for your relationships. Not only will your relationships benefit, but your entire lifestyle will transform.
After you learn to set boundaries and someone reacts negatively to your request, this is a sign you may need to reconsider whether you want to be a part of the relationship. Relationships are about finding common ground and mutually respecting each other’s needs.
Become a BOUNDARY BADASS.
The Love Twins,
Jan & Jillian