Is your partner stonewalling you when conflict arises? Not getting your emotional needs met?
The vicious cycle can go on for days…if not years. Having a fight with your partner can feel downright painful to the point you sense things aren’t turning around. We want to let you know a simple fight is resolvable when you take time to understand your needs and your partner’s needs and work through it for the better good of the relationship.
Conflict is beneficial to your relationship.
When temperatures turn cold or hot in the house, it’s a sign your relationship is ready to experience a growth spurt. Typically, most couples fight because they have different relationship values or have different perspectives which default to each partner’s beliefs.
Let’s say you value communication and your partner is not big on discussing every last detail. You begin to feel a ping in your heart because of their lack of response to the discussion you want to have. You internalize their lack of response as a rejection which tends to heighten your emotional state.
However, your partner may not emotionally or physically be rejecting you. Unfortunately, they value communication differently than you do. And that’s okay. It means it is time for you and your partner to work through your beliefs on how you can communicate better with each other to meet each other’s needs.
As differences arise, it will be crucial to set aside time for the relationship to work through differences amicably to keep your relationship thriving.
How To Resolve Conflict with Our Three Communication Tips:
Constructive – Speaking in a constructive manner benefits the both of you, as you can resolve conflict respectfully and positively. This will allow the relationship to thrive while working through your differences.
We advise not to pass judgment on your partner’s beliefs, as there’s no right or wrong. You and your partner are on the same team, so working together is key. It great to ask questions to learn more about your partner, so you can understand their viewpoint.
The more questions you ask and the less you assume, the easier it will be to reach a resolution.
Calm– Using a calm tone of voice enables you to reach a resolution very quickly. Removing your emotion from your message will give you a place to express without hurting your partner or yourself in the process.
Conflict is less likely to come to an end when emotions are flying high.
If you need a few minutes to gather your thoughts and reach a calm state, let your partner know in advance. Ask them to take a break then regroup in ten to twenty minutes when you are able to have a conversation. You will want to be able to support each other’s needs and respect the relationship.
Concise– Keeping your message simple and concise allows your concerns to heard. If you find yourself doing all the talking, then you are more than likely you may be emotionally flooding your partner. This can result in them shutting down and reaching an impasse towards a solution.
Take turns expressing short concerns.
Most of the time you can learn more from a conversation by actively listening rather than speaking. This enables you to understand your partner and work with them so you can ask for what you need. Try to see the conflict from both viewpoints and keep a “we” mindset.
Relationships are all about RELATING to your partner and working together, not against each other. Regardless of where you are at in your relationship, conflict is inevitable for any relationship. Some of the healthiest relationships experience conflict. With that being said, it’s not what you fight about it, it’s how you fight to resolve the issue.
If you are experiencing conflict in your relationship, please feel to contact us. We would love to help you get on a healthy path with your partner.
Jan and Jillian