You are crazy in love with your partner.
But the longer you are together the more the relationship becomes a challenge. When you first met, your connection was beyond blissful and the chemistry was totally lit. So lit, you often found yourself overlooking some of the red flags because the feeling of being together outweighed the bad. In fact, you thought everything was euphoric in the name of passion.
As time began to pass, the distress and discord began to wear on you emotionally while the relationship became dysfunctional. It will only be a matter of days before WWIII breaks out. Your relationship is a turbulent cycle of never-ending drama and arguments.
You feel stuck. You are madly in love them one minute and the next, you are screaming at the top of your lungs how could they treat me this way.
These 5 Personality Traits Will Make It Difficult For A Healthy Relationship:
1. Sees The Negative First
Life will always hand us unpredictable moments of ups and downs. It’s only natural. But how you face adversity will be the key to living your best life. If someone constantly focuses on seeing the negative in life, it will be a challenge to move forward past any setbacks. Mindset and perspective are everything in getting through life’s hiccups successfully.
If your partner is only able to see the negative in every disagreement that arises, working with them will be a battlefield. More than likely for every solution you present to resolve the discord, they will have an excuse has to why it won’t work.
When a partner has resilience and a positive mindset, it allows them to fearlessly overcome struggles head-on. They are able to see the light at the end of the storm and can ride it out until reaching an amicable solution. However, a negative mind will forever stay stagnant and unsatisfied in life. You can’t make them happy. They have to make themselves happy and learn to see outside their own mindset.
Happiness is an inside job.
2. Acts Overly Needy For Validation
In the beginning stages of the relationship, you thought it was endearing with the amount of attention your partner gave you. You assumed they were really into you and it was a good feeling to have. Although, as time has gone on it’s gotten out of hand and it’s no longer…umm attractive. It’s starting to turn you off and becoming exhausting to deal with.
You now see the attention they were giving you was not about them liking you, but for their own source of validation. The constant admiration and communication with you are about them fulfilling a void within themselves.
Their insecurities are boiling over and bleeding into the relationship. It’s becoming too much to handle. Plain and simple, you are feeling exhausted with having to explain every last detail about your lifestyle just to give them security. Ultimately, what they really need is to work on their self-confidence and be able to soothe their own emotional discomforts.
Confidence is the number one trait individuals find attractive in a partner.
3. Uses Emotionally Reactive Voice
You are busy at work and do not respond to your partner’s text message. Not even more than thirty minutes go by and they are blowing up your phone. With one text message after another anxiously waiting until you respond.
Finally, you get a break two hours later. You send a text message back letting them know you were in a work meeting. But the rationale of being at work still doesn’t sink in with your partner. They begin a fight lashing out at you for taking too long to respond and start grilling you about your whereabouts.
You have read the same text messages with the same storyline so many times that you have started to become numb to the outbursts. It is just too much to bear, so you shut down. You and your partner are at an impasse.
In order to resolve conflict, it is best to respond from a place of calmness versus emotionally overreacting. When you remain calm, keep your message concise, and have a constructive mindset to resolving an issue more than likely you will be able to find a resolution to any misunderstandings. However, if there is a lack of emotional state management it will be difficult to achieve an end goal.
4. Places Themselves First
You do not feel like you even have a say in the relationship. Everything revolves around your partner. They pretty much expect you to be at their beck and call, engage in what makes them happy, and hang out with their friends and family. Their life is your life and the minute you counter what they want to do they begin to guilt trip you or resort to manipulative tactics for not abiding by their plans.
Your needs are obsolete.
As much as you love your partner, their selfishness has become toxic. They only think about ME, not WE. And you have reached your ultimate limit.
A healthy relationship involves a compromise of making your partner happy all while fulfilling your own needs too. If one partner is constantly receiving love without giving to the relationship, eventually an imbalance will form within the dynamic. This makes it difficult to have a mutually loving connection. Establishing boundaries and standing up for yourself from a place of self-worth is the best way to get your needs met. If your partner is unable to respect your boundaries, it may be difficult to achieve a healthy relationship with them.
5. Thrives On Having Power
Your partner is straight power tripping. They need to feel like they have control over you at all times. If you do not comply with their requests, you have to deal with the wrath of their emotional meltdown. They play the “feel sorry for me” game. And sometimes go to the extreme of shutting you out completely to make sure you pay for not abiding by their word. The power struggle and tension runs high until you cave to their ways.
Control is no match for true-blue love.
You partner views you as their possession. More or less you are an extension of them. They suffer from deep-rooted insecurities and the only way from them to feel powerful in their own life is to have control over you. Yet, they are truly the one that is out of control.
If you are in a relationship and experiencing a partner who displays these personality traits, know that this will not be emotionally healthy for you long-term. Long-term relationships exclude mind games. They are about two individuals who fully engage with their partner in a loving manner, operating from a WE mindset. If you wish to work through your relationship discord, then speaking with a neutral party, like a relationship advisor, may be the best route for you to achieve a loving healthy relationship.
Jan and Jillian Yuhas, MA, MFT, CPC are Relationship and Lifestyle advisors who help couples work through conflict and reach a healthier and happier relationship. If you feel your relationship is at an impasse, schedule your complimentary call today and see if coaching is a good fit for you and your partner.