Love is blind.
Being in love is not an easy thing to decipher. Emotions are flying high left and right when things seem to be going well. But then, you are hit with a ton of bricks. You find out your partner is betraying your trust. You start to question what is really going on between you and the person you love. With no resolution in sight, they begin to emotionally shut down and shut you out.
With a stomach full of knots, you are feeling blindsided by their act. The love you share is beginning to crumble, yet all you want is to be with them. Hold them. Kiss them. And make everything better. You wonder how you can go from pure bliss to zero contact in twenty-four hours.
The lack of communication is leaving you distraught and becoming disruptive to your daily routine.
Next day, your partner comes back around and tries to repair the damage in your relationship. They can come up with a list of reasons as to what you did wrong and how come you are at fault for their betrayal. Your partner even goes to extreme measures and gives you an ultimatum to change or they can’t move forward in the relationship. You feel your partner is not being fair, yet you love them so much you are willing to do anything to keep them happy. Even if this means sacrificing your own happiness, rather than losing them in your life.
Here are 10 Signs You’re In A Toxic Relationship:
1. Needs To Be In Control At All Times
A partner who needs to be in control does not really love you for you. They only love you under their conditional terms; as long as you obey. Even though they say they want an equal partnership, you feel slided every time differences arise.
One minute they are willing to shower you with love and affection and the next they are back to being selfish. Their “ME” mindset starts to get old day after day, especially when you operate from a “WE” mindset. You are starting to feel used.
No matter how much you are willing to let things be in their favor, you are always wrong. An hour later when something does not go their way, they fall back into their old habits and fault you. The constant back and forth is the same song and dance over and over again. It is beginning to feel like a broken record, making you feel emotionally out of control.
2. Says “I Don’t Need You”
Most relationships are not about needing a partner, it is about wanting a partner to create memories and share a fulfilling life together. But, when a partner says, “I do not need you,” it is emotionally damaging to the bond you have with each other. You partner is basically slapping you in the face with a cold-hearted rejection that hurts like a bad fall.
It’s only natural for a partner to want to feel loved and needed by a partner you love.
3. Makes You A Last Priority
All you want is quality time, yet your partner claims they are too busy to see you. They give you endless excuses of “I have to work late” or “I have to get up early and need my rest.”
The excuses become worthless, holding no value to your emotional needs.
Everyone lives a busy life and has many responsibilities. Yet, if your partner wants to see you they will do whatever it takes to make time. Life is a balancing act and when a partner cares they will make sure to keep you a priority.
4. Blames You For Their Disrespectful Behavior
They take no responsibility for their actions, instead, they blame you for their poor behavior by pointing out your flaws as to why you made them act in such a disrespectful manner. A partner might say, “I would not have done it, if you were the partner I need you to be.”
This type of behavior leads to more and more arguments with little flexibility to work as a team. When your partner pins you against them, you end up on different teams. Relationships are all about teamwork, not “me vs. you.”
5. Manipulates Every Conversation To Benefit Them
Playing the victim is the name of their game. No matter the circumstances, this type of partner is a master at finding a way to make the conversation about them. They are dramatic and will amplify any situation in their favor, so you fall blind to your own viewpoint. If the person you love is not on center stage, then prepare to be run over until they achieve their desired place.
They will go to extremes to make sure they get what they want no matter how hurtful it may be to you or the relationship. The only concept they know is “I’m superior” to you.
6. Threatens To Leave You If You Don’t Comply To Their Request
Every time you experience a huge fight, your partner throws a tantrum threatening to leave you because they aren’t getting what they want. A simple threat to leave you is a sign your partner is not valuing you nor the relationship.
It can be emotionally painful not being able to express yourself because you will be punished for having an opinion or perspective. A healthy relationship allows both partners to have a voice, whereas an unhealthy relationship consists of one partner dominating the other with endless threats to seek power.
7. Lacks Healthy Boundaries
When a person lacks healthy boundaries with others, havoc is sure to erupt. A partner who keeps close relationships with exes or friends of the opposite sex that are considered too friendly for comfort, it is because they are weak and cannot be alone. They thrive on the instant gratification from others, barely keeping them afloat.
A partner who lives inside their head lacks the confidence to set boundaries with others for the fear they will not be liked. This type of partner has an inability to have genuine relationships because it’s only what works for their own good. They keep close ties with others only to benefit their fragile emotional state.
A lack of boundaries in relationships causes an unhealthy love connection.
8. Refuses To Talk Unless Its On Their Terms
If the person you love creates a gridlock by endlessly ignoring you until they are ready to talk, this will hinder the relationship from being anything, but healthy. This can be hours, days, or even weeks. They are the champions at stonewalling and have the patience to go to great measures just to prove it to you.
Your partner will talk to you when they decide they are ready to control the outcome. Until then, your partner is “punishing” you for going against them or for calling them out on their disrespectful behavior. And, addressing being ignored by them only increases their game of silence.
9. Ignores Your Romantic Affection
Being in a loving relationship, it is innate to want to kiss or be intimate with your partner in the bedroom. Anytime you try to show affection, they decline your request because your partner says they are not in the mood or too stressed out. It begins to grow over time, resulting in nonexistent sex life.
You are feeling a sense of rejection from your own partner because they are preventing you from getting too close by keeping you at arm’s length distance. You begin to feel unwanted and invaluable to your partner causing you to second guess your own worth. This results in neither partner getting their needs met which is neglectful to the relationship.
10. Talks Down To You
A partner who finds the negative in everything you do is emotionally abusing you. They do this to keep you under their control for the fear of losing you or not having you there to feed their insecurities is a far too scary place for them.
They have a deep desire to keep you under their power.
This means you will never be “good enough.” From name calling to downplaying your promotion at work, they want you to think you are a failure and you cannot survive without them.
If any of this resonates, then seeking an outside neutral alliance may be of benefit to you and the partner you love when working through discord. A relationship experiencing emotional abuse will struggle to have a healthy connection and continue to face difficulties long-term. Or, you also may discover leaving an abusive relationship is better for your emotional health so you can begin healing and working towards a better love life for yourself.
Jan and Jillian Yuhas are Relationship and Lifestyle Advisors who help couples have healthy relationships. If your relationship needs an overall or if you find yourself in an abusive relationship and want a fresh start, then contact us to achieve your relationship goals.