Turned on…Turned on…Rejected….
You come home from a long day of work and you want nothing more to relieve some stress and chill. You begin cooking dinner, open a bottle of wine and begin telling your partner about how inconsiderate your boss is. Your partner consoles you and listens as you go into lengthy detail about how your boss plays favorites.
After dinner you tell your partner you’re exhausted and resort to the comfort of reading in bed. About thirty minutes goes by and your partner joins you, except they aren’t looking to relax and crash after a tiresome day.
Your partner begins to twirl your hair and starts massaging your neck to help relax you. But, you know they want more. You continue reading your book and try to ignore their initiation of sex.
Eventually, you tell your partner you’re not in the mood. You’re drained and want to relax tonight. This leads to your partner feeling rejected.
When this behavior plays out over and over, it often leads to a cycle of sexual frustration and mismatched sex drives.
Believe it or not mismatched sex drives is more common than you think. But, it’s mostly due to a lack of communication around intimacy and what each partner desires to be fulfilled.
So how do you get back that orgasmic feeling in your relationship?
Here Are Three Solutions To Aligning Your Sex Drives:
1.Communicate Your Preferences
If you don’t know what your partner likes, how they like it or what ultimately turns them on, your sex life will be in some serious trouble and almost extinct. And, the same goes for your needs.
Healthy relationships thrive on effective communication.
It can be an uncomfortable conversation and downright anxiety provoking, yet it’s important to share with your partner what you intimately enjoy together. Getting in tune with your body is sexy and freeing, as it’s part of your needs and desires in life. You will want to understand what feels good to you and what doesn’t so you can communicate this to your partner. If you aren’t exploring your body, how will your partner know what is pleasurable to you?
If you’re into specific fetishes or certain positions, then by all means let your partner know so they can turn up the heat in the bedroom. On the contrary, if you’re not one for having sex in the shower, for example, then let your partner know and find a compromise.
Relationships are about evolving as a couple, which can only happen when you communicate
2.Define Sexual Boundaries
You chose your partner for a reason and I’m sure it was because you value them wholeheartedly, not just for sex. While sexual intimacy is an important facet of a relationship, you will also need to respect your partner’s sexual boundaries.
If your partner is not keen on a specific request of yours, like having sex in the car, and has no desire to engage in the fantasy, then you’ll need to respect their limitation. They have the right to say no and to not engage in sexual behavior that makes them feel disrespected or uncomfortable.
Establishing a key word can also be useful during sexual intimacy. This communicates to your partner when to stop engaging in a specific behavior that you do not enjoy to maintain healthy intimacy.
3.Find A Resolution
You can’t tell your partner no to their sexual request and leave it at that. This can make your partner feel undesired, rejected, and frustrated. Relationships operate on a WE mindset and that means working together to fulfill each other’s sexual desires as a couple.
If you enjoy only having sex once a week and your partner prefers four times a week, you’ll have to figure out a compromise. This may mean you’ll have sex two or three times a week versus each partner’s preferred amount. Having understanding and empathy for your partner’s perspective will allow you both to work together on reaching an agreement that makes you both happy.
Most importantly, have fun and be creative with your partner. You never know where the night may take you…