J.Yuhas
- 6 min read

Are You Abandoning Yourself?

Do you struggle with trusting yourself to choose the best partner?

Do you get overwhelmed when you don’t get what you want in the exact moment?

Do you neglect parts of yourself that don’t live up to your standards based on your feelings, beliefs, or relationship goals?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you are abandoning yourself and preventing from getting your needs met.

Self-abandonment keeps you from living a fulfilling lifestyle and attracting the love you deserve with a partner. As long you continue to put your worth in the hands of others by seeking external validation, you will continue to feel less of a person. When this occurs, it makes it challenging to have a healthy relationship with yourself and a partner.

You are no longer honoring yourself, therefore a partner will not see the value you provide in their life.

Your self-worth comes from your internal strength and value you give yourself without the attachment of another person or thing. If you keep looking externally to get your needs met with the opposite sex or materialistic items, you will continue to fail at loving yourself the way you need to be loved.

Here are some examples of self-abandonment:

Codependency
Perfectionism
Self-Criticism
Judgment
Lack of Value System In Place
Failure To Set Healthy Boundaries
Ignore Your Emotional Needs
Unable To Trust Yourself
People Pleaser
Suppress Emotions Through External Validation
Disconnect From Your Authentic Self

Human beings tend to abandon themselves when they don’t trust their abilities to choose what’s best for their lifestyle. They lack the skill set to nurture their own mind, body, and spirit because they were never taught how as a child.

During your early developmental years, your parents either pampered or neglected your emotional or physical needs when you were experiencing a stressful situation. Regardless of these parenting styles, neither was able to help you meet your needs, resulting in the inability to believe you are lovable or worthy. It may seem like pampering would be meet your needs, but it prohibits you from developing your own self-soothing skills.

There’s a famous quote, “Never do for a child what a child can do for themselves” by Rudolf Dreikurs. This actually teaches a child to work through their feelings and find ways to nurture their needs by caring for themselves. As you can see, it’s a fine line of giving a child too much or not enough at all for them to feel the same way internally about themselves. If you don’t take the time to understand this about yourself, you will end-up facing challenges in your romantic adult relationships.

Self-abandonment keeps negativity and toxic energy inside of you when you fail to help yourself heal. If you are the type of person who escapes discomfort by fulfilling your needs with superficial outlets such as television, overuse of technology, sexual behavior, excessive shopping, addictive substances, and self-destructive behaviors, you will continue to abandon your authentic self.

You abandon your needs when you resort to negative habits instead of what you really need, self-love.

Your self-sabotaging patterns hold you back in life by creating low self-esteem, anxious feelings, lack of confidence, irrational beliefs, depression, and distraught fears. The feelings and emotions become more intense the longer you allow yourself to stay stuck and disconnected from authentic yourself. The longer you continue to live this way, the more challenging it will be to attract a loving partner and a fulfilling relationship.

Here Are 5 Ways To Value Yourself To Attract A Loving Relationship:

1.Honor Your Feelings

Allow yourself to feel the discomfort and understand what those feelings mean. Ask yourself, What do I need right now? What positive tool can I implement to meet my needs? How can I nurture my soul to feel better?

When you take responsibility for your feelings, the greater you will feel by accepting your emotions are normal. Embracing every emotion instead of suppressing them gives you a place of security within yourself. And the only way to overcome them is to go through the emotion to help alleviate the discomfort. The reason some of our emotions feel uncomfortable is because you are neglecting your emotional needs. The sensation is a signal, telling you to do something about it because it’s hurting you internally.

It’s important to stay present when honoring your feelings so you are able to work through them. You can do this by practicing self-love habits, such as: journaling your feelings on paper, meditating, deep breathing, walking, reciting positive affirmations, or writing down old beliefs and changing them into new beliefs that support you and your goals.

Honor your feelings, so you are seen as honorable.

2.Embrace Self-Acceptance

Accepting everything about who you are is crucial to your success as an individual. If you neglect parts of who you are, you are denying yourself from being seen as high-value. A partner will only be able to see your worth when you know you are worthy of compassion and love. As the relationship with yourself sets the tone for all your other relationships.

Learn to accept your weirdness, see your internal and external dislikes as positives in life, and identify what you can accomplish once you achieve self-acceptance. Some ways you can improve your self-acceptance is by doing things the set your soul on fire, such as hobbies, passion projects, personal style, learning something new of interest, setting new goals, or expressing yourself through creative outlets. Anything that makes you feel alive and represents your true spirit.

Accept you and they will too.

3.Set Healthy Boundaries

When you value and respect yourself, it is much easier to set healthy boundaries in order to get your needs met with a partner. If you allow a partner to be disrespectful, then you aren’t valuing what you deserve which prevents from developing an equal partnership. You have to value yourself if you want a partner to value you in their life.

To set boundaries you will want to identify your top five relationship values. These values are based on the things that are extremely important to you in order to get your emotional needs met. Once you identify your top five values, then you will want to make sure you live by them on a daily basis.

You can only ask for the things you need when you live by your values on a daily basis.

Boundaries are meant to elevate your connection to the next level so you create better alignment within your relationship. When you fail to set boundaries, you are abandoning your needs to please your partner out of fear of feeling abandoned by them. But the only person suffering based on the inconsistency is you.

4.Set Weekly Goals

Setting weekly goals helps you take responsibility for your own accomplishments in life. When you accomplish a simple goal, like going to the gym five days a week or journaling five minutes a day, you naturally boost your internal worth and self-confidence. Short-term goals can increase your mood drastically after you complete the task because you have immediately done something solely for yourself.

Not only do weekly goals hold you accountable in your own life, but they also set you up for success long-term. In order to achieve your relationship goals, you need to have a positive mindset and feel great about who you are without depending on a partner. Relationships are the balance of independence and interdependence to sustain fulfillment and healthy functioning.

Weekly goals create independence and strength to acknowledge your emotional and physical needs.

5.Implement Positive Self-Talk

If you believe you aren’t lovable or worthy of love, then attracting your ideal partner will not be easy. Not to mention if you do meet them, you are bound to feel inferior or not good enough to keep a positive connection. And the minute they don’t meet your needs, you are going to feel abandoned by them when really you are abandoning yourself by not being kind or nurturing the relationship you have with yourself.

How you talk to yourself determines the kind of lifestyle you will live and the type of people you will attract. If you are judgmental or self-critical, you will constantly feel your shortcomings will control how you feel each day. And when you’re in a committed relationship, you will need to love and respect yourself abundantly to keep the bond from splitting. Because no one likes to date someone who complains or is never satisfied in life.

Implement positive affirmations in your daily rituals, create a gratitude list, work on goals that stimulate positive feelings, or treat yourself the way you want to be treated by a partner. The greater positivity you feel innately feel the better you will be at attracting love.

Regardless of which positive tool you implement first, begin by recognizing your feelings so you can attract the love you give so freely to others. What you mirror to the outside world is the same love you receive in return. Begin by loving yourself and you will never go a day without feeling loved. You are the catalyst to love you receive.