Negotiating with your partner, no matter how hard you try, is likely to be an uncomfortable experience. The conversation may become intense, bringing up years of history filled with resentment and unresolved feelings.
However, you and your partner must be able to set aside old grudges and come to an agreement, especially if you want to repair your relationship and create a win-win outcome.
The unfortunate reality for many couples is that conflict is inevitable during the growth journey. The quicker you can see conflict as a positive, the sooner you will be able to overcome your discomfort because it will be worth the end goal. How you handle the conflict will be a true indicator of how well you work together as a team today and in years to come.
Here Are 5 Tips For Better Negotiating With Your Partner
In a negotiation with your partner, as with any negotiation, understanding the other party’s position is a crucial first step to form an agreement. Having empathy for your partner and what they are going through can make a huge difference in the negotiation process. It will not be easy, especially if your partner is hurt, bitter, or angry and takes it out on you.
Putting yourself in your partner’s shoes is part of having a successful relationship where both of you are satisfied and fulfilled. You are more likely to be kind to someone you empathize with, and if you have children, you are setting an example for them as well.
2. Practice Emotional State Management
Arguments can bring up a lot of negative emotions to the surface, which may lead you to regrettable actions with consequences down the line. In order to curb these negative emotions, remember to practice self-care and self-love exercises on a consistent basis. Self-care includes getting enough sleep, eating nutrient-dense meals, and physical exercise. Whereas, self-love includes positive self-talk, daily gratitudes, and journaling.
Implementing emotional state management techniques can equip you with a more positive attitude going into the negotiation.
It is also important to remember that only you can control how you feel. On the same note, realize that you cannot control what your partner does or says. However, you have a choice in how you respond to their choice or words or actions. This means staying outside of verbal attacks and only focusing on the facts of the problem, not the sensation of emotion.
Since your partner has known you for a long time, they know exactly how to get under your skin. If they jab with a rude statement, ask them “how come you are trying to provoke me when we are trying to find alignment as a team?” This allows you to remain in your position as a powerful partner and get striving ahead towards your ultimate goal.
Also, be aware of your own trigger points, so you don’t get in your own way of the outcome you want to achieve with your partner. If you allow these triggers to personally affect you, they will impact the negotiation process in a negative way. This will defeat receiving what you need from your partner.
The key to negotiating with your partner is thinking about long-term goals versus short-term emotion. In other words, consider how every move you make during this process will affect the outcome of your conversation.
Be a stealth jet, not a fighter jet.
Think about how a fighter jet performs. It’s loud, wreaks havoc and leaves war zones completely destroyed. When it comes to your relationship, battling with your partner is going to be a waste of your precious time. Being a fighter jet not only damages your emotional health and your connection, but it is energy wasted on meaningless battle.
A stealth jet, on the other hand, is silent in its approach while offering valuable insight and solutions. Instead of being reactive, you are thinking through every move with strategy to find common ground. By understanding where your partner is coming from, you will need to be willing to bite your tongue for the sake of maintaining peace and finding alignment.
In a negotiation, it is not about who can yell the loudest or be the most cruel. It is about making thoughtful decisions that benefit both parties for long-term relationship success.
4. Value Your Position
What is your reason for negotiating with your partner in the first place? The answer should be because you truly believe your position will provide the best outcome for your relationship. This does not mean make over the top demands or threats to your partner. Make sure all aspects of your position are both logical and reasonable. Your partner will not be willing to come to an agreement unless they get something out of it to create a win-win outcome.
When you provide an honorable solution that considers both of your needs based on your relationship values, you are more likely to gain what you want. Remember, that a successful relationship means that both parties are equally happy since both of you have to live with the choices you make.
5. Be Confident
Confidence is all about how you carry yourself and speak with conviction in a conversation. It is not something easily described, as much as it is as energy that is felt within you and around you by others. When negotiating with your partner, showing up confident gives you the ability to stand by your values and ask for what you need to work better together.
When you start by sharing what you value about the relationship and your beliefs, your negotiation will likely go much smoother because your message will be heard and received well. If you come from a place of emotion, you will appear less confident and likely be dismissed as emotion can flood your partner. Find ways to share with your partner how you want to be treated without demanding but asking them to understand and work with you. By placing value on your needs, interests, and the relationship as a whole, your partner will likely do the same.
It is also important to firmly stand your ground if you feel your partner is being disrespectful. If your partner is known to be a difficult person, try not to waver in your position. This will give them an opportunity to take advantage of any signs of weakness which will defeat aiming towards the outcome you want. Essentially, you will need to put on a poker face and make sure you look confident, even if you feel uneasy with the topic of conversation.
Overall, negotiating with your partner can be fairly easy and amicable if you are able to remain in your position of power without creating a power struggle between you and your partner. Looking for an easy way to get what you want and need with your partner so you can have a healthy and fulfilling relationship? Grab our best techniques and tools in our Boundary Badass Program so you can go from feeling powerless to powerful with peace of mind.