J.Yuhas
- 5 min read

Why Expectations Will Ruin Your Relationship

Do you place expectations on a partner?

Expectations are bound to have you falling short when it comes to reaching your love goals. This is because you are left with unsettled emotions of worry, anxiousness, hopelessness, and even guilt when what you envisioned didn’t come to fruition with a partner. Falling in love with your imagination is a dangerous place to be when desiring love.

The next thing you know, insecure thoughts begin to stir in your head holding you back from having the resilience to try again. The self-deprecating dialogue causes you to feel a sense of defeated, believing you aren’t worthy of what you want. You may even feel the need to place blame on a partner because of the pain you feel inside when they were unable to follow through with what you wanted.

Placing expectations on a connection comes from futuristic thinking which isn’t realistic. It’s like assuming you’re married to someone that you met today while skipping the foundational building process of dating. This type of thinking can cause your anxiety to explode because you want something to happen so badly yet you end up sabotaging it along the way. But, its the emotions that get the best of you, resulting in a reactive behavior versus responding to work through the unknowns together.

In the initial stages of dating, you focused solely on what you needed for you, instead of what worked for the two of you. Having concerns with only your needs and desires, you neglect your better half and what they may need from you.

When it comes to expectations, this sort of thinking derives from a place of uncertainty and fear-based beliefs, ultimately leading to a failed connection because the relationship is based on a checklist. On the contrary, leading with relationship standards, you come from a place of value and love-based thinking which leads to relationship success because it’s about both of your needs, not just one partner.

How To Establish Standards For Relationship Success:

1.Identifying Your Relationship Values

Your relationship values are the qualities you need with a partner to feel happy and fulfilled in a relationship. Your values are a way to guide you to determine if the person you are dating is a good match or not for relationship success.

Establishing your top five relationship values will help you clarify what you find desirable with a partner and must-haves for a healthy, long-term relationship. While sexual chemistry and physical attraction are important for a relationship, they aren’t values that determine relationship success. A few examples of relationship values are trustworthiness, honesty, integrity, open communication, loyalty, and equal partnership.

Relationship values will vary for each individual, but narrowing it down to your most important values are crucial for clarity and connection with a partner. When your values are aligned with a partner, it will much easier to achieve a relationship where you and your partner value similar morals and life goals.

Your relationship values show that you respect yourself and a partner because there is significance in understanding each other on an intimate level. This builds a strong foundation for open communication, both verbally and nonverbally, creating a trustworthy attachment and unconditional support for your love to grow.

2.Living Accordingly To Your Values

Your values give you a place of importance and purpose to live by on a day-to-day basis. They signify what you believe internally and define your core foundation of how others perceive you in this world externally.

When you consistently live accordingly to your relationship values, it’s much easier to attract and recognize a partner who leads with similar values. And, the more values you have in common with each other, the easier it will be to have balance and harmony within the relationship.

Let’s say one of your values is integrity. It will be imperative for your words and actions to be in alignment and consistent at all times. When you live by your values, it makes it easier to ask for what you need from a partner based on your value versus expecting it from a partner through demands. By doing so, it will help you appreciate a partner who values integrity, too. This enables you to bond with one another by connecting with ease.

Your relationship values define you and the type of partner you attract.

Living according to your relationship values also allows you to know when to cut your losses with a connection. If a partner lacks the ability to meet your values, it will be very hard to reach a fulfilling relationship and experience intimacy. A relationship without a solid foundation of values will have cracks and lack stability in the long-term. Without your values, the road to love will be hard to succeed, as your morals and values are a love map in guiding you when it comes to attracting the best connection.

3.Applying Them When On A Date

Your values can give you clarity and certainty when actively dating because you will feel more confident when selecting a healthy partner. If you go on a date with expectations in the back of your mind, a potential partner will immediately sense your motive because your vibe doesn’t lie. They will feel your ME mindset vs. WE mindset.

Expecting a partner to open the door, pay the bill, always travel to your neighborhood, look their best at all times, or take you on trips to your favorite destinations is the opposite of mutually respecting a partner and valuing them in your life. This mentality will keep you happily stuck and unlucky in love.

If a partner does something on a date that upsets you, you will want to communicate from a place of value to address your concerns. As the goal is to work with a partner to reach a resolution versus reacting solely to your needs.

Here’s an example:

Expectation: I expect you to pick me up at my place before our date. It’s the only way I’ll go with you.
Value: I value your kindness when you pick me up at my place before our date. What time will you come by so I can be ready?

The difference between the two examples is the expectation statement is demanding and only based on yourself. The value statement shows appreciation for your partner and asks a question to work collaboratively for a positive outcome. If you respect a partner, you will want to ask out of respect.

Now that you have discovered how expectations can lead to failure, identifying your relationship values will help you lead a healthy love life to attract a partner who aligns with your goals. The greater your values align, the more potential you have inspiring a partner for a lifetime commitment.